i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
