I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
