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Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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