I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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