After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The air was thick with penises
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
