she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
