i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
