I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
