I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
