she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
