Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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