ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
