Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
