Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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