Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
