when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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