I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
