Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
