I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
