Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
