even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
