Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
