do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
