fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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