just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
