It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
do nipples grow back?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
