Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
