Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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