you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dicks are not precious.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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