I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
