need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
