I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
