oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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