she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
