I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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