woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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