Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
