So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
