have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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