a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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