My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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