If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
