I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
