Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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