Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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