Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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