Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
