I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
