My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
