did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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