you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
