did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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