i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
