Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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